As a small child, the festive season is filled with merriment, Christmas light-looking, presents too big to fit in Santa’s sack (well for some of us, we all had that one kid in class that would endlessly BRAG well into February about all the amazing gifts Santa brought them *eye roll*, but we digress), relatives you haven’t seen for 365 days, and plates of food so big you can feel your top pant button popping just from looking at it! Ah – magical!
That was until, evidently, we grew up. Somewhere along the line, the fairy dust and Christmas sparkle wore off and that stary-eyed little person became well, a grinch.
Now, we are not speaking for everyone here, but you would be lying if the lead up to Christmas Day didn’t leave you with a little ounce of dread?
George is here to make things a little easier, with our fool-proof guide to surviving Christmas Day! Keep these tricks of survival essentials handy (…your gonna need them!)
Kill them with kindness
Gran is only asking why you haven’t brought a significant other to Christmas because she CARES about you. Smile and move on, believe us, Gran truly cares, but she DOES NOT want to hear about the trials and tribulations of your Tinder dating profile.
Drink plenty of H2O
Don’t let yourself be the family drunk. Save that for Uncle Frank! Christmas Day is always best spent without vomiting, tears, or spilling family secrets!
Eat your breakfast
We know the last advent choccy is tempting, but a sugary start to your day and an almost-empty stomach Christmas morning will only lead to a cheeky spew in the church pew at Mass. Eat your Avo toast – we beg of you!
Embrace the tackiness
An all-white and beige Christmas is only ever going to be achievable for the likes of Blair Waldorf or the Kardashians. Your mum’s creepy dancing Santa really is charming, if you squint a little.
Eat the same menu every year
There are no prizes for being the family Jaime Oliver! In fact, your mother-in-law will politely ask ‘what is that’ with a fire in her eye, gawking at your pomegranate-avocado-walnut salad as she swiftly moves past it in DiSgUsT to get to the roast potatoes. There must be ham, there must be turkey (even though it’s far to dry for us to consider eating it the other 365 days of the year), and the vegetables must be roasted. Frankly, it’s not worth the ego hit. Stick to what you know.
What Mum Says, GOES! It’s Christmas!
You may be able to argue the point with Mumma Bear the rest of the year. But nothing stands between a mother and her children on Christmas Day. Repeat after me: ‘Yes, Mum,’ ‘Of course, Mum,’ ‘I’d love to, Mum.’
Be a kid again
The recipe for the perfect Christmas day? See it through a child’s eyes! Plant yourself at the ‘kids’ table (that’s a thing right, that’s not just exclusive to our family?!), because let’s face it – they’re far more interesting to ‘chew the fat’ with than your Great Aunt!
Wear the Paper Hat & Tell the Dad Jokes
We promise these Bon Bon jokes age like a fine wine, the older you get – the funnier they are! Or perhaps, one too many wines make everything funny…?
Protect your Pride, Protect your Hair
Treat yourself to some Christmas Eve TLC in prep for the big day. Our Better Hair Days Mask not only protects you from the elements, but provides a ‘why haven’t you had a baby yet?’ shield **George cannot guarantee invasive question defensive mechanism in most family units**
A Parting Note:
We can laugh, we can poke fun at traditions, and we can roll our eyes at our family’s out-dated views. But ultimately, we are lucky to have a family, to have people to partake in silly traditions with, to have people to roll our eyes at. Christmas is a time to come together and be grateful for all we have.
If all else fails, remember the little human being who still lives inside you, and pull out some of that festive sparkle from the depths of your tiny-grinch heart.
Wishing you another perfectly, un-perfect Christmas Day